Dear Devendra Banhart,
It's rare that a girl finds a man who loves makeup as much as she does, and I feel that that alone justifies my 'desires' towards you. I'd like to take the opportunity to offer you my cheerleading/girlfriend/lover/muse/mother-of your-unborn-children services, should you ever need them. I understand that you will need to see my resume, so here are some of the attributes/qualities I believe I can bring to job:
1. Vast amounts of enthusiasm for most things in general.
2. Hair/makeup skilz.
3. Party tricks such as splits, cartwheels, fan dancing, impersonations, and I'm also quite good at heavy lifting.
4. I could definitely archive your maginificent jewellery collection and carry your stash of gems around in case of costume changes.
5. I find you so damn pretty that it would be unlikely that I'd ever be whingey or anything like that... and I have many years experience at answering phone calls, and making appointments from when I worked in my Dad's office, so I could totally sort that out for you as well so you have more time to just be hot and awesome.
So, like I said, I'd appreciate being informed should a position become available.